mjj (flemmings) wrote,

A California life alone is just too hard to bear

It was raining earlier, plop plop on the air conditioner that lives in my window, but when I opened the curtain a minute ago to see if the car door I heard was my bro and S-I-L coming back from Edmonton, it was snowing. Or sleeting, I suppose: stays on the car roofs, melts on the road.

The reason one must live in the present moment is because the past is too painful a place to inhabit. Either because it was painful at the time, or because it's gone forever. Not sure which way I feel about this day, fifteen years ago, when I came home from Japan for good, to cold and grey and sleet and an empty house that felt like it belonged to some stranger and not the me who used to visit for a few weeks once a year. But there was unexpected bread and cold cuts and mayonnaise and lettuce and organic wine in the fridge, as well as the Pepsi I'd requested against the inevitable airplane headache, left there by my sister and soon to be S-I-L; which kindness eased the frozen sadness just a little. I wouldn't have that day back again, or most of the year that followed, but I'll remember it now. And then go back to getting my tax stuff together, in the present moment-wise.
Tags: japan, place, religion, rl_11

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